America Just farted

Well today a little trump became a big fat fart… what to do? 

Look at the state of this world and realise you are capable of just about anything you set your mind to. 

Now I’m not saying this is good, I’m saying if this madness is possible then YOU and your dreams …. go for them ✌️️ why not? 

Keeping Up Appearances

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So it is the day after the night before.

I’m quite hungover but also feeling smug that I resisted the temptation to carry on drinking and was in bed by 2 am

G is on his way back from Germany after his niece’s Bat Mitzvah. Bat for girl Bar for boy (another interesting fact learnt this week)

He hates flying so I know he will be drinking Brandy before and during the flight. This also leads to him drinking on arrival home to celebrate his survival.

G is a happy drunk so I really don’t mind. Drinking also takes the edge off his usual strict and quite entertaining rules. The bonus for me is I will be able to have the heating on high (strict about this) will be able to wear my fluffy socks (he hates them) and will be allowed my blanket on the sofa ( infuriates him) all of which will pass him by as he sits watching his latest ‘end of the world’ programme in his ball of drunkenness.

At 3 pm receives text from G: At airport, please buy cider, wine and The Sunday Times.Me: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr don’t want to leave house but OK  as long as we can have Thai takeaway (G doesn’t like take away food, says they are never up to scratch)  he agrees.

Obviously I am still in my pj’s. chuck clothes on and head for front door armed with car keys and debit card. Empty space on drive where car usually lives. Remembers I left it at the train station. Back in the house, wash, apply makeup and dress in appropriate clothes to walk neighborhood that always poses the risk of bumping into ex-girlfriend (not mine, his)

Enters the local Wine Shop and peruses selves like I know what I’m looking for. I don’t, I generally just look at the price tag and go for something in the region of £8 to £10.Pick a bottle and asks nice man if they sell cider. “only this madam” presents me with a glass bottle of posh looking stuff. “mmmm  not sure if he likes that one and I can’t remember the name of his favorite,it’s OK I will leave it and just take the wine”. Of course I know the name of his favorite it’s  frigging STRONGBOW.

Spots a shop across the road called ‘Local’, dives in and immediately clocks said cider in the fridge. Approaches till and delights in the glory of The Sunday Times.

Feeling a little tattered and torn, still smelling of Black Russian from the night before , armed with Wine, Cider, The Times and 4 packets of space invaders I suddenly wonder what people must think of me or more importantly what would  think if I saw me. Educated pisshead perhaps?

The guy in front of me also has the said brand of cider and The Sunday Times. He asks the nice lady ” Do you sell Mango Chutney?” his voice is that of an upper class, possibly private schoolboy manner. Educated  pisshead who is making curry tonight? It wont be any old curry, I bet it will be goat curry.

Jackpot, hands over items and asks (in my best, put on, posh voice) “do you sell chamomile tea?”

Couldn’t pretend not to be a piss head but I defiantly pulled off  being educated 😉

 

 

 

 

 

Epic Fail

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For anyone who read my post 10 Week Challenge I am now changing it to 9 week Challenge.

No explanation needed ( the following pictures may be highly disturbing to some viewers)

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Spot the wine glass on a school night. This relates to Yom kippur

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Raising money for breast cancer awareness (allowed)

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No excuse good enough…. and as I have declared I am not religious I cant even ask for forgiveness.

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A Bloody Mary. Oh well at least it has 1 of my 5 a day 😉

I have quickly hit goggle hard to find those quotes that make you feel better

~ Every Accomplishment starts with the decision to try

~ Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try

~ Ever tried, No matter, Try again, fail again,fail better

~If your plan A doesn’t work the alphabet has 25 more letters.Remain calm and go for it!

Feel better now. Night all ❤

Yom Kippur

 

Yom Kippur 2.jpgI am not a religious person, not in the slightest, I have my beliefs but they are very simple and don’t involve ‘The big fella’.

As a child I was heavily involved in the church. I never really felt like I ‘belonged’ in my family, always felt like the ‘odd one out’

When I was 8 I took myself off to join the local church, was in Sunday school, choir and even played the part of Mary in the nativity play.

I studied the bible and won a junior Mastermind  competition, my specialist subject ‘The Bible’

I soon went off God when I discovered boys, the type I fancied were more into football and catch a girl, kiss a girl, rather than God.

We all need a sense of belonging I guess and although I don’t have any religious beliefs I respect the need to belong to a bigger thing.

My partner is Jewis and recently it was Yom Kippur – all I know is he fasted for 24 hours and thought about his sins and how he can be a better person.

I supported him in this process by leaving home for 24 hours. I cannot stand a ‘Hangry’ man.I did send him a few text saying ‘keep strong’ ‘stay positive’ and finally “What is for tea when I get home tonight?”

On my arrival home I was presented with a 3 course meal. I’m pretty pleased with the outcome. I was supportive, non-judgmental and practiced the art of self preservation.

This surely makes me a good person, doesn’t it? 😉

 

 

 

 

Eggsham In Your Breakfast

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Sent by my lovely follower Nataly Parry. Too good not to share.(@#Slimmers World)

I’m going to be trying these at the weekend ❤

  • It’s four lovely large free range eggs (it makes a difference lol)
  • I grease the cake tin with butter (not really slimming friendly) but needs must 🙈
  • Put a bit of chopped tomato in the bottom of each one
  •  In jug mix the egg, dash of milk, chopped peppers, spring onion and I add chopped ham
  • Mix it all together and divide between each tin bake on 190 for 20 minutes xXx

Thanks for my kick start 😌

10 Week Challenge

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Hello all you lovely people ❤

Well it’s been my birthday week and I haven’t been as kind to myself as I should of been.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve had fun getting to this all time low but now I need to kick my own arse.

I have carefully nursed my way out of sugar hangovers, wine hangovers and now I need to shift the bloated stomach kindly donated to me by big fat pieces of bread filled with processed crap such as the delightful bacon and sausages from our local deli.

Next I need to remove the bags from under my eyes and somehow iron out the creases on my face left from the pillow I have spent hours lying on, sometimes due to a food coma and other times a wine coma.

These are some of my goals for the next 10 weeks

#eat breakfast. This will save me eating anything I can get my hands on at 11 am. I will have a banana every morning or an egg if I can get out of bed early enough

#no bread in the week. This will save me having to buy a new wardrobe to accommodate my ‘bread baby’. Instead in the evening I will make my lunch of chopped  salad, add a tin of tuna and some dressing.Some days will use chicken, ham etc. May have to include a cuppa soup ( I’m sure you can get organic types 😉

#healthy snacks only in the day. I will buy carrot sticks, chop cucumber, maybe rice cakes? and cart round a tub of hummus everywhere I go. Also have a big supply of walnuts, raisins and dates available at all times.

#reduce coffee, tea and sugar. I need my cuppa tea in the morning and it has to have sugar, maybe reduce to half a sugar (grrrrrrrrrrrrr) cut coffee to 1 in the morning, 1 in the afternoon instead of 5 a day.

#drink 2 liters of water. Apparently this will  me sharper. I will let you be the judge of that.

Everyone has their bad habits and we know what we are supposed to do if we want to feel better. The above are my main enemies the below are my friends that I am just not willing to compromise on.

#my 4 fingered kitkat. I love you and will not turn my back on you unless a chocolate orange is in sight.

#red wine Saturday’s. You all know my views by now on not being fanatical 😉

#coffee and cake with friends. To give this up would mean changing all my friends and my friends are the family I have chosen. Often chosen because of their excellent baking skills.

Let us just touch briefly on exercise. Exercise has been my life saver, it helps me mentally and physically and when I look back on the worst times in my life I don’t think it is a coincidence that I had given up on exercise.

I’m not going to bleat on about how, what and where I exercise because everyone is different  and my style wouldn’t suit everyone.I do however remember how hard it was to weave it into life with kids and work and the pressures that brings. For those who for whatever reason can’t find the time, money or babysitters I found this great workout that can be done at home over 10 weeks. Copy and paste it and have a look. This would have you feeling great by Christmas.(alter to suit ability)

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/11328182/Improve-your-fitness-without-leaving-the-house.html

So over the next 10 weeks and the lead up to xmas I am going to follow my own advice.

Will you join me? Please let me know how you get on.

Speak soon

started as a 2 * day in Lisa’s world but has gone up to a 4* now I’ve written to you all. #writing #giveitago

 

 

Tuna Steaks with G’s Tomato Sauce & My Pudding

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You will notice the effort in picture 1 compared to picture 2 😉

I’m lucky to have an Italian man in the house ❤

This tomato sauce can be made in advance and kept for 3 days in the fridge.You can then use it on and with anything really. Chicken, pasta, steak, veg, whatever takes your fancy. Leave out the Chilies if you must. Tuna is expensive so a cheaper option would be cod steaks.

Serves 2

Olive Oil, 2 Tuna steaks, 2 Chili peppers, cube of ginger (3×3 cm) 1 clove garlic, handful coriander, half a lime, 4 tbls soya, 1 teaspoon cumin, pinch of salt, 1 tin toms, 2 tbls tom puree, 1 cup water (babycorns, asparagus or any old vegetable)

preheat oven 150

Roughly chop 1 Chili

Finely chop ginger

Chop coriander

Put the tuna, coriander, ginger, soya, lime juice and Chile in tin foil. Make it into a parcel and marinade for an hour or less if you are in a rush.

Chop garlic and fry in a little olive oil for 2 mins, chop remaining Chile and add with the cumin. Fry gently for 1 minute.

Add tin toms and puree and heat for 15 mins (bit of salt if required)

Put tuna parcels in the oven for 20 minutes

Meanwhile boil corn for 15 mins adding asparagus for the last 4 mins.

Serve with basmati & quinoa or brown rice ( the microwave in 2 minutes stuff)

Got it? if not try my pudding:

6 grapes

3/4 triangles of Toblerone

Small glass of Amaretto

Star rating just moved up to 4*

 

 

 

 

 

Autumn Is My Favourite

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I write today as I always do, not professing to be an expert, not to preach and not to feed my ego. I write today because most of what I have learnt has stemmed from getting it wrong, still getting it wrong but most importantly always trying to get it right, starting a fresh everyday  to be the very best I can be.

Autumn is here and I love autumn because it brings appreciation for warm days and acceptance for cold days.Summer always brings me disappointment and winter is just too cold and dark. So Autumn, I pick you.

October is my birthday month and as I climb the stairs to 50 it has become a bit of a bore. I much prefer celebrating other people’s birthdays, especially if they are older than me 😉

Age is a funny thing, don’t you think? This is how it has gone for me so far:

16 – I am old enough to make my own decisions.I wish I was 18 and everyone would just get off my back.

26- I better think about what I’m going to do with my life. Then there is childcare, bills and total exhaustion to consider.

36- I’ve done quite a lot so far.If only I had stayed on at school I would be a qualified doctor now. Instead I followed a boy to London- never mind

46- NOW! I need to retire, have a farm with ponies and live off the land. Would also like a camp site and a kids adventure park oh yes and a lake to swim in.

Of course in between all that has been hitting 30 and feeling old. Approaching 40 and loosing my jaw line.

As I head towards 50 I really don’t care about age, although if I was brave enough I probably would consider a face-lift.

Over the last few years I have become an expert in mediation (of myself) My internal voice is my best friend and we make trade offs on a daily basis.It tries arguing with me but I always seem to win. As a naturally bossy( child voice) assertive (adult voice)  kind of person I like my inner voice a lot, it is easily persuaded to do things my way.

I’m not going to pretend I don’t worry about things, of course I do, here is my list:

  1. My children and grandchildren being happy and healthy. (put as number 1 because of children reading but number 2 is on my mind more) <<<<JOKE>>>>>>
  2. Getting fat
  3. Dying (not so much anymore)

A short list I know but with age my list has gotten shorter. I now spend less time worrying and more time doing things that make a difference to me and mine. I choose not to worry about things I can’t change and concentrate on what I can.

I drink, yes I do! but I also don’t drink

I exercise, yes I do! but I also don’t exercise

I spend time with people I love,I help others, yes I do! but I also spend time with me, helping me

I eat healthy, yes I do! but I also eat crap

It’s taken me some time to work out that life is as complicated as you make it.

# Don’t take shit

# Don’t feel guilty

# Start a fresh everyday

# Don’t be fanatical, just relax

Today for me is: Work, walk dogs, go boxing, eat fish.

Although so far I have had 4 cups of coffee and half a bag of minstrels.

For me this equals HEADACHE. So now I will drink a pint of water instead of the other half of the bag and more coffee.

I choose not to read any negative shit on FB or anywhere else for that matter, today I choose ‘happy head space’

Tonight’s dinner recipe to follow as I am not cooking. This is due to me being lazy and also can’t stand looking at or touching raw fish.

Have a great day!

Today Lisa’s world is quite good 3.5 * rating.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right Here, Right Now

 

where I'm meant to be

Most of us have experienced something or someone that has made us stop in our tracks and pay attention. Maybe it was a flash of colour from a beautiful flower, the words of a great genius, the kindness of a smile, the smell of rain or the tears in the eyes of a loved one.It’s a feeling that hits you right in the stomach and you are there, in that moment.

This got me thinking of ‘Mindfulness’ a very modern term used for early teachings of the Buddha.

The Buddhist term translated to English as ‘Mindfulness’ is the psychological process of bringing one’s attention to the internal and external experiences occurring in the present moment.

Most of us lead busy lives and in quiet moments often waste time with ‘If Only’ in the past and ‘what if’ in the future. For me ‘If only’ often results in feeling down and ‘what if’ makes me feel anxious. Mainly I live in the ‘Now’

After watching 11:22:63 written by Stephen king (highly recommended btw) were the story tells of a young man travelling back in time to try and stop the assassination of Kennedy, I pondered my past and what I could change for the better.

I searched the archives of my bad relationships, who I had wronged, who had wronged me, bad choices, health, work and so on.

It will be of no surprise that I concluded all the events have led me to better things, things that were meant for me. To change them would be to change everything that I am, and so I surrender.

Where I am today is where I am meant to be. Right here, right now.

“We did not ask for this room or this music.We were invited in.Therefore,because the dark surrounds us let us turn our faces to the light.Let us endure hardship to be grateful for plenty.We have been given pain to be astounded by joy.We have been given life to deny death.We did not ask for this room or this music. But because we are here, let us dance”

Stephen King  11.22.63

Twisted

twistedWe all know exercise is good for us and I know it is good for my physical and mental health. if I’m honest it bores me a little and if I’m tired, sore and stressed the gym is the last place I want to be. I force myself  by remembering how I feel after exercise.

A long time ago I had a scary experience in the sea were I was rescued as I couldn’t make it back to shore. The memory is so strong that even at the local pool I am often over come by the fear I won’t make it to the end of the pool. Previous coping tactics have including faking cramp near the deep end and swimming back.

I have learnt that  occupying my mind with a puzzle or a scenario can turn my brain’s high alert button off.

I use this technique in any situation that I feel the panic raising, my throat going dry, my hands sweating, voices becoming distant. Examples would be: Getting in a lift, heights, small spaces: I think you get the gist of my phobias.

Last night I set a target of 20 lengths and my mental distraction was to re-write sayings to fit my twisted sense of humor.

Sensible saying 1. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Twisted version: A problem shared could become gossip and end up on FB

SS2:Home is where the heart is

TV:Home is where the fighting is, the dog farts and the constant washing and cleaning pisses you off.

SS3: Always be the bigger person

TV: Always consider having someone kidnapped and tortured.

SS4: Two wrongs don’t make a right

TV: Two wrongs is sometimes good because it is so fucking boring always doing the right thing.

SS5: Don’t count your chickens before they have hatched

TV: Don’t count chickens, count calories to avoid getting fat

SS6: A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush

WTF

SS7: keep your friends close and your enemies closer

TV: keep your friend close and lock your enemies in a dungeon

SS8: Smile and the world smiles with you

TV: Smile too much and people will think you are a psychopath

SS9: You are what you eat

TV: I’m a Cadbury’s dairy milk ( must pay attention to the twisted chicken saying)

SS10: And they all lived happily ever after

TV: This one must be about people I am yet to meet

BOOM: 20 lengths without drowning 😉